Flumpty's Pool
by rainbowthefox
Summary: Flumpty buys a pool. (AU. An ONAF/One Night at Flumpty's fic. No ships.)
None of his friends entirely knew what Flumpty was doing. In general, that is. The egg had mood shifts like a hormonal, 18 year old girl at a Justin Beiber concert, and he had a lot of ideas on his mind. Whatever he did was almost meant as a surprise to them, and none of them enjoyed it. Because, most of the time, it was something that they wouldn't agree to.

But _this_.

Flumpty Bumpty took a proud step back and took a moment to take in the sight of his creation. All of his friends did, too. Not once in their life times would they imagine Flumpty creating something like this. Such a beautiful blessing given to the world from the hands of the devil himself wrapped in a shell. His intentions were innocent, but his actions were not. Yet, here it was...the marvelous creation from humanity itself.

There, in front of them, stood a pool.

It wasn't just any pool, though. It was egg-shaped, and it expanded from the main hallway down to the office itself. Of course, that meant the walls standing in its way had to be crushed in, but they were still physically standing if you didn't mind the sudden gaps. It was impossible by the laws of physics, yes, but no one quite cared. They'd been living in 100+ degree weather for _far_ too long.

"What do you think, guys?" Flumpty turned to them with a proud look, stick hands on his non-existing hips.

"Are you kidding me!?" Grunkfuss took a step closer to it and peered down at his reflection. "It's amazing!"

"Yeah!" Blam ran beside him and laid a finger in the water. "It's cool, too."

Before Flumpty knew it, all his friends went towards the pool and started dipping their limbs inside the clear water. None of them dared to put their full body in, though, until they knew that it was free from poison or any other deadly substances Flumpty tended to put in their gifts. The Redman was the only one still standing beside Flumpty. He turned to him with an unimpressed look.

"May I ask something, Flumpty?"

"Sure thing, Red!"

"Just _why_ did you build a pool _indoors_ when it's hot _outside_?"

"Why would I build a pool OUTSIDE?" Flumpty gave him a look as if he were insane. "One step out there and I'd be over easy! At least I'd still have my whole body if I were to just swim in here."

"What I wanna know is how you built this." Grunkfuss stood and took a look around, gloved hand on his hip. "There's no tools around here whatsoever, no rubble from any of the walls that you bashed in, nor do I see any hoses for you to get the water from."

"It's simple!" Flumpty said. "I defy the laws of physics and logic in order to carry out my will! How else would I have done it?"

Grunkfuss merely rolled his eyes, knowing he'd get a response like that. The Owl hovered the pool, taking a look at it from above. Her head nearly hit the ceiling when she got a full look at the thing. She exclaimed, "Flumpty, why does the pool have your face carved in it?"

"What DOESN'T have my face carved in it?" Flumpty yelled back, then turned to the others. "The best kind of pool is an egg pool! And you all were sure lucky, because I didn't have enough yolk for it to serve as water!"

"Thank God." Redman breathed. BB patted him on the spine, then skipped over to the ledge. Dipping an arm in, he swooshed it around and noticed something in the water. His block face _just_ hovered over the surface until he recognized what it is.

Blam asked, "Flumpty?"

"Yes, Blam?"

"Why are there chlorine thingies down there?"

"Oh, yeah!" The egg peered down beside him. "I added a LOT of chlorine to keep the next guard out if they're feeling antsy. I made sure to put enough in there for it to be at minimum danger for human levels! We all should be fine, though. Too bad Eyesaur can't go in."

"Well, great!" The Beaver said, walking in the room with Spongebob trunks on, toilet paper stuck to his foot as per usual. "When can we go in?"

"As soon as the chlorine dissolves!"

"How long will THAT be?" Grunkfuss gave him a look. The egg shrugged.

"I dunno'. Maybe an day or two at the most. I put a LOT in there, you know."

"Forget that!" Grunkfuss pushed against him. "I'm going in now. I don't want to sit in that hot, plant circus room all day. I need to cool off."

He took off his shoes and jumped in. Everyone leaned forward and watched the man risk his death. When he surfaced and took a gasp, they all cheered in excitement. It was then that Grunkfuss noticed something he should have before he went in.

"Flumpty?"

"Yes?"

"How do I get OUT of here?"

Everyone looked and noticed the lack of stairs or steps leading out of the pool. Flumpty looked for himself and rubbed the back of his shell in realization. He said, "Oh, how embarrassing! I forgot to add the entrance and the exit to this thing, didn't I?"

"Yeah." Grunkfuss scoffed, clinging onto a ledge. "You did."

"Well, no matter!" Flumpty trotted over to where Grunkfuss was and pushed him back. "I'll add one, then!"

Everyone watched as Flumpty did a weird wavy-thing with his hands and pointed down to the edge of the pool. Magically, a ladder appeared. Much like everything else, it was also egg-shaped. Even the steps had Flumpty's face on them if you looked close enough.

"Gee," Grunkfuss gave him a look as he climbed out. "Thanks."

"No problem!" The egg gave him a pat on the back, turning to the others. "Everyone else can go in now!"

None of them hesitated. Their first instinct was to run to towards the pool and leap as far enough as they could. The beaver ended up hitting his head on a ledge and the Redman got a piece of chlorine in his eye. The owl hovered above and watched as Grunkfuss did a belly-flop on the surface. A big _SMACK!_ could be heard. His screams and swears were audible even from underwater.

"Flumpty?" Blam asked, tapping the egg from below. Flumpty turned to him and gave him a friendly smile.

"Yeah, B?"

"Do you have any floaties?" He asked. "I can't swim, and that looks deep."

"Of course, Blam!" Flumpty patted his shoulder. "Just give me a moment to find it, and..."

He turned around, did the wavey-thing with his hands again, and turned back to him with a floatie in his hands. It was a tube shaped like, and you guessed it, an egg. Except it had a design with pizza slices on it, which grabbed his interest. Blam took it and said, "Thanks!"

He threw the floatie in and jumped in from the ledge. The Beaver edged away from him to make sure he wouldn't pop it with his teeth. The last time anyone hurt Blam, they got a fistful from Flumpty. No one wanted that again. Not after how Grunkfuss lost his eyes.

* * *

The longer they were in it, the better it actually felt

Their first encounter with the pool was mainly consisted of getting chlorine in their eyes and having to get kicked in the face because of the closed spaces. Grunkfuss kept hitting his head on the diving boards he passed by, and the Beaver had a little bit of blood dripping down his head from his first encounter with the ledge.

The Owl sat on one of the chairs and watched them from afar. Despite how much she wanted to join them, she couldn't get her wings wet. Flumpty never went in either, despite him talking about how great it would be if he did.

The chlorine was practically dissolved at this point, and everyone had their own space to enjoy the water in. Blam paddled where near the sides, the Beaver stayed close to the bottom, the Redman did a funny swim motion with his spine, and Grunkfuss was above them all hitting his head on everything.

Maybe that's why he's so angry all the time.

Flumpty took a sip of his orange juice and passed a pizza slice down to Eyesaur. One of their heads gulped it down, and the egg took his time patiently passing a piece around to all of them. And that must have took awhile because, the next thing he knew, it was dark outside.

And another flaw he had in his plan was the lack of built-in lights.

 _*SMACK!*_

 **"OW! FOR HELL'S SAKE!"**

Everyone knew that exclamation came from Grunkfuss, and Flumpty stood. He, once again, did the magical dance of hand waving to add a light in. Once it was on, they saw a whole bunch of blood in the water from both Grunkfuss and the Beaver. Blam paddled quickly to the side and held his hands out towards Flumpty. The egg gladly took him out and set him down.

The Redman cringed away from the blood and crawled out of the pool. Grunkfuss and the Beaver, holding their heads in pain, lifted themselves out of the pool by the ledge and rolled onto the floor.

"So," Flumpty stood above them. "Did you enjoy it?"

"NO!" Grunkfuss snapped. "Why did you have to add so many diving boards!? I could have got a concussion!"

"I hate to say it, Grunkfuss, but you did the first time you hit your head. You're just used to it, is all. I'm sure you get migraines all the time!"

He peered down at the figure next to the clown.

"And how are you doing, Beaver?"

Saying nothing, the Beaver got up and ran in the direction towards the bathroom. Grunkfuss helped himself up and Blam and the Redman came, shaking and holding their arms. Flumpty turned to them with a confused look.

"What's wrong?"

"It's cold." The Redman replied. "You always leave the windows and doors open all the time! Did you not bring any towels, Flumpty?"

"Towels?" The egg thought for a moment. "You know, that never came into mind. Maybe I should have brought them, haha!"

The Redman used all of his sanity to restrain from attempting to strangle the egg. Flumpty noticed his aggravation and gestured with his hands to calm them all down. He said, "Guys, I promise you. I've a perfect solution to this."

* * *

This was the first time Flumpty was ever right about _anything_.

No later then when he saw that, he led his friends to something he placed outside. And, once he took the cover off, they noticed that it was a jacuzzi. One with speakers and a million of jets. From where they were, they could see the steam coming off the surface of the water. Their bodies were both shivering and craving the sensation of being in it.

"Well?" Flumpty asked. "You think I did a good job with this, too?"

"Excellent!" The Redman said and felt it with his beak. "Aaah...nice and hot, too."

"You sure you want to go in, Red?" Flumpty asked with concern. "I mean, you DID get burnt by 500+ degree lava. Is a jacuzzi the best idea for you?"

"If I survived THAT, then I can survive this."

With that, the Redman crawled in and took a spot on the edge. Grunkfuss followed past him along with Blam, who put his hat on one of the speakers and stayed on the shallow parts. Flumpty watched them all sigh in relaxation and slump further into the water.

"Aren't you gonna' come in?" Grunkfuss asked. Flumpty shook his head.

"No, if I stepped in that, I'd get boiled! I'd much rather stay out here."

"No, no. I insist." Grunkfuss patted the spot next to him with a grin. Flumpty ignored him and went down to turn on the radio. He tuned the station to one that had very excellent music. The only song that they all enjoyed and could bare listening to.

Flumpty's Jam.

 _"Aaawwwwww yeaaahhhh"_ They all moaned, listening to their jam and sinking deeper into the warm water.

For the first time in ages, this was a story that didn't end in a disaster. And they _loved_ it.

 **The End**


End file.
